MY BODY IS ACHING. Playing soccer is really my escape from any problem i face. And since i left vj, i feel so much more free to play. I feel more confident. I wish i could have done more during the competition as the "head" of the team but i know its no point crying over spilt milk. But somehow its just natural to think about it. It doesnt make me break down though i think the thought of failing inhibits me from trying and doing new things. And i did learn new skills and things in VJ.



Anyway, i've been slacking at home doing shit. Going out doing nothing. I really want to find work. I hope the shop where amanda's friends work has some slot available for me. 6bucks at hour, cant go wrong.

SEXSEXSEX. I dont wanna have sex. im damn scared of it. amanda please dont ask for it anymore. i know i want it too. its natural. but its not right. what we do is not right, but i give in too often, maybe always. I have a weak mind. I wish we could go back to point where we didnt do anything of these things. I want to be innocent. I want to be able to talk to you, wander into your eyes, explore the world with you, discover new things about ourselves. I want something that no one else can experience. I just wish we could stop, but if i say no, you'll be hurt. I dont want to feel dirty anymore. i really do.

Bye blog. I cant go on anymore without running in circles.